Tonopah 2000

	Jim cooks at the 2nd Annual Madson Flats Bacon Burn-Off. Due to the increasing popularity of this event, two full pounds of bacon were needed. A bikini glider wash has been scheduled to finance next year's bacon supply. Jim's bikini is on order from Victoria's Secret.
	Chris and Peggy at Bacon Bash
	Hadley and the Round Mountain Mine
	Jay finds a 1-26 landing site.
	Snake goes fishing

Quotes

That must be the female.

Old Bald Dingess soup.

Ketchup - the Duct Tape of Condiments.

She had hands?

Fly high, Pee high.

Nothing tastes better than free beer.

Speak clearly into the microphone.

I swear, as God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

It's not the Bellagio, but it's cool.

It moves quite nicely backwards.

He felt like a slug back there.

You will stand at attention while the plane lands !!!

Confusion Hills

The valley is broken like a jigsaw puzzle first poured out of the box. The surrounding ridges and mountains are steep and forbidding, with names like Confusion Hills and Chaos Knob. The clouds above hang like curtains, torn and long neglected.

On a dirt track, in the shadows of the valley, travels a lonely vehicle with a singularly long trailer. The vehicle slows, backs around a corner like a segmented caterpillar, and moves along again the way it came.

Inside the vehicle, the driver is speaking in a language that consists of four-letter words, while slamming her fist on a machine that used to resemble a laptop computer. Attached to the machine is a long cord that attaches to another device that, some say, tells her the exact location of the vehicle.

Nearby, unbeknownst to the driver, is a long-abandoned underground nuclear blast site and a place called "Area 51."

The computer shows a main highway, but under the tires are low, dry, tenacious shrubs. The digital clock on the dash slows to a crawl, ticking off seconds like they were hours. Deer wander up to the vehicle and look inside with large, curious eyes. A rabbit, wearing a hat with a tag in the brim, sits in the vehicle's path, not moving.

The vehicle makes another serpentine reversal. The computer shows a superhighway under the wheels.

A radio, very recently used to communicate with an aircraft overhead, sits silent. Four-letter words into the microphone yield no response. A cell phone screen says, cryptically, "no service."

Lightning flashes in the distance. The desert air becomes humid. The wind surges from random directions.

The driver turns to the compass, her last means of navigation. With no track to guide her, she points the vehicle to "N" and continues, scrub brush crunching under the tires.

The sun disappears behind the barren hills. Strange lights appear overhead. Time expands...

Suddenly, as if waking from a dream, parallel paths materialize in front of her vehicle. The driver turns her tires onto the tracks, and gradually the tracks merge into a dusty road. In the distance, other vehicles seem to be travelling from right to left. Drawing closer to the other vehicles, the road smoothes and a stop sign appears. A friendly native points her to the mythical "Eureka."

Her lover, awaiting her arrival at "Eureka," abounds with joy at the first sight of her ungainly rig. They fall into each other's arms, thanking the gods that they are finally reunited. But he wonders why the dash clock is almost two hours slow...

Click here for Peggy's Revenge.